my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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