I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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