I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
