just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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