I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
