OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
