:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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