Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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