She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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