I got chris browned last night
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
