Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
