I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
