Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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