if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize