I just cut my nipple shaving
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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