I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
