how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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