Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
