There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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