wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
