i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
