Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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