We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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