Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
