Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
