we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
