I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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