remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize