apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
