Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
