all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
