So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
