Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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