Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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