This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
