She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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