I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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