he puts the penis in happiness.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
