Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
