I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize