My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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