i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
