C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
