Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
