after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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