he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
