How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
