So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
