We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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