My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
