Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
