I got chris browned last night
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
