K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
