I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
