I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
