Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
