Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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