i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
