If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize