Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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