Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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