with your own penis?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
