I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
